Psychologically yours

When I was a child my father used to take me along with to various places, market, his place of work (Eastern Railway hospital, Asansol) and also he took me to the Asansol railway yard when I saw various Locomotives running from left to right and vice versa. I used to enjoy being with him barring the thoughts of school which I always used to find a pain every morning. My three elder brothers used to love me like a child can be loved, my eldest brother used to take me on his motorcycle to the rest houses of Medical representatives where I saw different people from different locations in West Bengal assembling and have a life which was below ordinary however they were happy. My middle brother was the one who used to scold me the most and I used to be very fearful giving him back any word which I didn't like however his love used to come back always through different items which he used to bring me. The elder brother did also love me however he used to be busy most of the time rarely seen at house maybe friends were the sole idea for him still I used to like him for his approach and application, a master at drawing. Mother used to be a housewife always assisted by a maid or a servant and above all a person who was the second father to me. He came from my maternal village, Haradhan Karmakar. I grew up as a quiet and contented boy loved travelling with father and mother to places they used to go. My childhood was full of sight seeing and pilgrimage, Haridwar, Badrinath and ageing up, Rameshwaram and Kanyakumari. These made me very devotional kind of a person who salutes a deity before a human being. My father was a very close friend of mine since my brothers all were very elder to me. The elder one being 11 years older I had no choice but to choose my father as the one whom I can speak about everything. A man who rarely spoke at home and never argued with anybody. He still today at 80 years is as amiable a man as we was when young. Our home at 81, Bathe Road, Asansol was a huge dwelling where we used to get regular visits from my maternal uncles, my cousin sisters, brothers and uncles. The life was type of a ghee, smooth at times and grainy at the other. There were holes but the holes never seemed to come across the eye as they were always thought to be subdued. I never felt that someday I would ever have to move my feet away from these people or they would move away from my surroundings. The person I discussed above earlier, Haradhan Karmakar(called him Haruda and still do) was supported by my father and referred him for a job. Today he has been promoted feels great when I remember what he used to be earlier and his apartment. We had various servants of whom I remember Jabbar who used to bring my tiffin to school and I used to like him a lot and thereafter Lokeshda came who continued this legacy till the time father would retire. I had a vision that I am growing up with my family around me and they would feel great if I stayed that way amidst them, time changed I became a teenager and slowly the world started to look different to me. Mejda(Middle brother) and Chhorda(Elder brother left the city and state and moved out for their studies in Pune and Nagpur respectively. Dada(Eldest brother) worked on with various medicine organisations travelling here and there, got married and settled down. Today he stays in Burdwan with his family. The difference I was talking about in my perception was the way the world was starting to change, pressures started getting created to me to DO something in life. Studying was always a pain for me as I loved the nature rather than the books and used to learn things more with my eyes rather than the printed words on the books. My ears and mouth also were part of this study as I used to remember things I heard and spoke those when I used to feel right using them. Slowly I saw my  mother start ailing with various symptoms and the cause of which was continued exposure to helping hands all around, that could be relatives, servants or Haruda himself. Father never used to be bothered about what people used to say or think and used to lead a life he felt right which I also feel right. A  person should do things what his heart desires not what the traditions and neighbours order. If you feel you are doing something good, correct, valuable and also helping someone else you should never stop yourself from doing it. My story may seem a bit nostalgic and also elusive at times from the title I have given but hold on, I have not finished. When my father retired and all my brothers except Mejda had left the same to seek for their professions in other lands outside and inside Bengal my mother coaxed me to leave her and go for a job away from my dear Asansol. No bugger came up with a job in Asansol for me, the biggest hurt I have been suffering all my life since. I had no options but to make myself alone with me and be my own neighbour and family. Father was always there though, he felt I may need him with me whenever I felt myself alone. It was also a need from my mother who forced me away from her. I came to Kolkata got a meagre salary job through my very good friends(again from Asansol) and then started to learn how to stay with myself in this vast city. My father said, never lie, never think that I was alone and never hurt anyone who beseeches you. There were times when my senses used to say what am I doing away from my homeland but then someone used to answer, the world runs that way son so learn from your colleagues who also are following suit. My friends who also left Asansol with a tear in their eyes were my only comfort away from my parents and brothers. Brothers who still today will run from any corner of India to see me, if anything odd happens. My professional setups changed I lost my job and then got another meanwhile spent some painful days in Asansol which became so because the home had become adapted to staying without me. Today that home is running high fever and requests me not to visit since I may fall ill and succumb to its symptoms.I have purchased an apartment in Khardah and am currently accompanied by my spouse and son. My spouse is like a water spout, it will splash whenever there is an earthquake around. My son is a champ and knows who is who from now itself standing at 30 months plus. My sole aim of this comprehensive was to say that today my mind is ill. My father and mother both have become aged and are very vulnerable to themselves. I see my 3 brothers as statues of knowledge and time however they are very stagnant. I am losing motion in my family which my childhood had shown me so much. Its only the hours, minutes and seconds that are with me now and my friends have gone far away in kilometers only approachable on the wretched mobile this world so loves now.